There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
