your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
