She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
