Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
