I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
