I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
How does one acquire holy water?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
