I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
