some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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