I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
