I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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