While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
