I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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