I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
