oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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