that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
