Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
