How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
