We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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