new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
