I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
operation have a gay friend backfired
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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