so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
