dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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