I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Even my vagina gasped.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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