whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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