hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
