I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
