your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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