Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
