i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
