Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
