I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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