how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
