I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
