You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
