Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
