1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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