i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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