...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
