drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
