My liver just broke up with me...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
