My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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