when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
