Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
