Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
