Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
