we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
