stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
