I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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