in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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