i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
