I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
