this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
