i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
