Tell her she can't have a vagina
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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